Catch Mike Padurano on the #PirateBroadcast
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Welcome to the #PirateBroadcast, where we interview #interestingpeople doing #interestingthings. Where you can expand your connections, your community, #kindnessiscool and #smilesarefree. Let’s get this party started.
Russ Johns 0:19
It's another beautiful day for the pirate broadcast. I want to make sure that everybody understands that we stream on LinkedIn, YouTube, Periscope, and Facebook. So if you're not always able to connect on LinkedIn, and occasionally there are a few challenges and you want to follow and get notified, Facebook and YouTube are a places to go. I would really truly appreciate you following and subscribing and making comments over YouTube because you know I'm growing the channel and it makes a lot of difference. Someone else that is growing a YouTube channel is Michael. Michael is in the room today, and we're gonna be talking to Mike about some of the challenges we're running through in terms of just being adaptive in the situations we are and having a little resilience in everything that we're doing and not necessarily giving up. But giving into the idea that we can be something else do something else and have something else as a result of letting go. So Mike, welcome. Welcome to the party and #piratebroadcast and you're now officially a pirate. Thank you.
Mike Padurano 1:35
I am honored to be a pirate and I've been connected to you for a while and sometimes you just got to ask, right? So it's it's a privilege. It really is a privilege and I'm excited. I love what you do, and I'm glad to be a part of it. I feel honored.
Russ Johns 1:50
Well, we met through Gabriel and Gabriel is a pirate and he's an awesome individual that does a very similar thing in the afternoon. So if you guys are not connected with Mike and Gabriel and all of the pirates, I encourage you to reach out, engage with the pirates make sure that you're connected because this community is all about the the connections and the conversations. We've had several conversations. I know that you recently started a YouTube channel. I wanted to kind of dive into that and talk about the motivation for that. I think we've had a conversation because it's therapeutic. I mean, some sometimes letting these things out and just talking about it, even if we feel like it's to ourselves some days. Yeah, it really is kind of therapy for me. Talking about what your experiences then.
Mike Padurano 2:49
Alright, so let's take a quick step back. Back on March 5, I got a message from somebody saying, things are gonna get better. At that time. I was waiting to get temporary custody of my kids because of the situation that they were in. It was one of the lowest moments in my life because I was just so torn up with what they were going through and I didn't have access to them, to help them, to be there for them. March 6th, I got my kids. It was that quick of a turnaround. Once I got my kids, it became this overwhelming pressures and anxiety and I felt so guilty and just wrong that I allowed it to go on as long as I did. I sunk into a major depression. Now, during this depression, I was always trying to be present for others. I was trying to help them. I was trying to give them my insight. I became very close with Gabe and I helped Gabe with a lot of things and many other people. Then, early June, was really the pivot in my life. Here comes a three year old. What was the pivot in my life was meeting this really building a connection with this one person. This one person impacted my life so greatly that I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how much it meant to me. This person was one of the first people I've ever met that saw me for me, straight through all my facade and BS. This person accepted me for who I was, loves me for who I was, and showed me that I was lovable. Because up until that point in my life, I never allowed anyone that close because I never wanted to be found out. I never wanted to be considered a fraud. I never wanted to feel thatm fear, right, those insecurities, because we all vary so much at times. It became this major 41 years of just running and hiding and running and hiding. Anybody got close, I'd abandon myself and abandon them. I'd push them away. I became a self fulfilling prophecy of sabotaging anything good that ever came into my life. Now, during this time period, this person showed me a path that I could take for myself and I did the work. I started doing the work and started making changes. I would say by the beginning of July, I started really accepting things. By the beginning of August, my life changed forever. I started working with coaches, I started working with different people: Sherry, Luke, Andrea Summers, Steven Desada. My life has never been the same since. The YouTube channel is basically me bearing all, whether I'm on it crying because I'm just so emotional and I'm just so overwhelmed with everything and I'm so hurt or torn up or just whatever it is. I'm being my vulnerable, authentic self, and true to myself. I am sharing this experience as I go through it. I find that a lot of people write books, after a lot of people do coaching, after a lot of people do all these different things, after the process, what I wanted to do was, because one of my gifts in this world is to be naturally vulnerable, is to just put it all out there, even with a pending court case, I have no fear of it. I just wanted it all out there. So somebody can look at it and say, look at where he started. Look at where he's ending, or look where he's continuing or look where he's at now, because this is a lifelong journey, and this is not going to stop.
Russ Johns 6:48
This is a lifelong journey. I applaud and commend you for this process because it's part of the process. It's really documenting your journey is what it's all about. The fact that...
Mike Padurano 7:14
(Mike's daughter) My tummy hurts.
Your tummy hurts.? Ask her to play babies with you real quick anyway, please, show please play babies with her for a few minutes. Sorry. This is the life as we live, right? It's this is real world. I mean, I have my three kids. I'm between 1200 and 1500 miles away from anyone that has been in my life for an extended period of time that I truly care about and want by my side. It's just me and them. I'm probably going to be here sometime in 2021 just pushing through. But it also has been the biggest blessing in the world because it's forced me to look at myself and forced me to do these changes. The combination of that one person and me being ready and willing, changed everything.
Russ Johns 8:10
I think we all have to be at the intersection of ready and willing in order to really take change on and make sure that we have an opportunity to become who we truly were meant to be. It's not easy. It's not an easy task.
Mike Padurano 8:29
No, it is the most tedious, painful thing I've ever experienced in my life. But the rewards are so worth it because now I'm finding myself and I'm starting to have myself and it's amazing. This inner peace, inner power, inner strength that I'm finding for myself...I don't even know how to really put it into words because it's something I've never felt before. Ever.
Russ Johns 9:00
I know we were talking before the show started that there is this feeling of control when you take responsibility for your own destiny and a lot of people feel fear and they feel concern and they feel upset about the fact that they may have their jobs or their career may not be the same as it was last year and you lose a lot of what you imagine is security, which really is just an imaginary constraint we put on ourselves. We feel like we have this this strength and this ability and opportunity to do something and it's really our own personal responsibility to be able to say, okay, this is what I have control over. This is what I do not have control over. And then, accept what you do not have control over as being a variable. Stop resisting it, because it's just, it's an exercise in frustration. When you're battling what you have no control over. I think a lot of people miss out on that and that's where anger and frustration and depression step in.
Mike Padurano 10:18
In fear, right? Fear is another one because the fear kicks in, especially right now. Right? Like anyone looking for a job right now, when there's so many people in the workforce trying to find jobs right now. These, this process is more tedious than it ever has been before. I mean, you could be counting on your whole day based on one meeting, and that meeting could be pushed back because companies have to reevaluate where they stand with things, right? Well, things have shifted dramatically. You cannot control it getting pushed back. But you can control how you react to it, and how you accept it. I mean, the only thing you have control over and then this world is what you do and how you react. It breaks down to that simple right? Like me fighting the trend of getting stuck here, calling my lawyer every day saying, can we push for this? Can we push for a court date? Can we push, it doesn't change anything. It just stresses me out. Accepting the fact that I'm just stuck, has changed everything. Because I'm enjoying the moments. I got to go to the park with my kids yesterday. Their mother wanted to see them, so we met at a neutral place and she was running late. Not really surprised, but she was running late. I got to spend time with them. I went on the slides. I played on the jungle gym. I was a kid. I just I made it memorable because it was just moments. Before she showed up, and after she showed up again, I made stuff memorable so that they didn't harp on what happened during it. It's that same person really close to me. He told me that you have to grab the moments. You have to cherish the moments because the moments are really what counts. I had to live present, in the present and just be and as uncomfortable as I was yesterday and I wanted to call people, I wanted to feel better about whatever I was doing. I didn't do it. I just sat with myself and i just accepted it. I just accepted, it's okay to not feel perfect. It's okay to not be perfect. It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel scared. It's okay to feel hurt. There's nothing wrong with those feelings. They're you. They're your feelings. You need to accept and allow those to flow so that you can grab on to the moments that matter.
Russ Johns 12:47
When we stuffed those feelings and we dispose of those feelings, they always show up in different ways, whether it be our health, our emotions or our anger, frustration, other ways. Especially in some cultures, US included, is that guys aren't supposed to be emotional, they're not supposed to be vulnerable or anything like that. It's really a stigma. I think it goes back to mental illness as well. After losing my son to suicide, it was, this is a real thing. This is something that impacts lives. This impacts a lot of people around us and it really has a way of showing up in the worst possible moments. It doesn't care who you are, where you are, how much you make, or what kind of job you have. It can damage and tear through lives in a heartbeat. So I encourage people to think about this, September is suicide prevention month, so be open to the idea that you have very little control over what other people do. Make sure that you have an opportunity to understand what it is that brings you joy. What are the small moments at the park where you're playing, that's a moment that you can cherish the rest of your life.
Mike Padurano 14:22
Russ Johns 14:26
So I know that you have other stories like that, that you can share with people. I think you can own them as well. So, through this journey, let's go back to some of the things that you've changed andsome of the before and after and the transition that you've kind of felt as a result of this process you're going through.
Mike Padurano 14:51
Okay, so the before was I held on to everything. I lived in guilt and shame and lots of shames, lots of guilt, lots of pain, lots of torment. I was one of those kids that was an extremely sensitive male and back when I was growing up in the 80s, you're not allowed to be. Back then it was even worse. I'm an empath also, so that also layered on top of it. So, it was absorbing everybody else's feelings around me. It just swallowed me whole, to the point where I've really lost my own identity, turned to drinking and drugs to numb it all out and been sober since 2006, but I still never did the work on myself. So the before was a life of pure torture.
Russ Johns 15:31
You went half way.
Mike Padurano 15:32
Yeah, I went halfway. Right before this, I was sober, but I wasn't free and clear. I was tormented. I was a tormented soul, because I tormented myself because I didn't believe that I was worth it. I was tormented because I felt like I deserved it. Because I wasn't good enough and I was always less than and I was just, I was miserable. No matter how many times I tried to grab onto moments and just be happy for them, I lost it. I just,couldn't do it.
Russ Johns 16:07
Are you comfortable in the misery?
Mike Padurano 16:10
Oh God was I ever. I was a tornado. If anybody got close, I would explode. I would destroy anything that I would create. I was an emotional time bomb. I was always trying to prove my worth by spitting out emotions and flooding and suffocating people. I wasn't comfortable within my own skin. I didn't have me. The change is doing the work. A lot of Brene Brown stuff with getting rid of the chains and stuff. Then I've been working with Sherry Luke on a bunch of stuff and working with reprogramming my thought process. I have a spiritual guide/coach, Andrea summers who is working on that side with me and showing me...that's impacting me a great deal because it's opening up that side of me to spiritual side again, which I lost along the way. Then I've had other people present themselves, right, like Steven, they say that it came out of nowhere. All these people came out of nowhere when I was ready and since I've been ready, they're just presenting themselves. There's no more struggle. I don't fight anything anymore. I'm not swimming upstream. I'm accepting the gifts that are coming my way.
Russ Johns 17:35
How does that feel?
Mike Padurano 17:36
It is the most freeing, clearing feeling I've ever felt in my life. The pain, the torment, the suffering, everything that I went through, even during this process, because remember, I had to relive a lot of those tortures. It was excruciating and I was unfortunately hurting the people closest to me because I didn't know how to handle the emotions. 41 years old, I never identified my own emotions, I was numb and then when I started working through it and seeing the other side, I started to just accept one my mistakes, especially during the process. I owned it. I made apologies. I made amends to the best of my ability. A lot of times it's just going to be the proof is in the work and the proof is in my actions now. Because some of those people for so long, my words meant nothing because I didn't stick behind them. That putting the actions now behind it and actually doing the work and being different is what's going to eventually shine through.
Russ Johns 18:41
Yeah, you want to know who people are. You watch what they do, not what they say. Right?
Mike Padurano 18:47
I always said that, but I guess in some ways, I did that. But then in some ways when it came to my emotions because I was so emotionally numb, I almost didn't even have control over them. I was just an emotional cyclone.
Russ Johns 19:00
Yeah, Hey, I want to give a shout out to some of the individuals here in the pirate community. People are people. Michael's here, sharing some of the things that he's gone through. I encourage the pirate community to actually reach out, connect with each other. support each other. I believe that #kindnessiscool and #smilesarefree for a reason. It's because somebody asked me the other day, why? Why I'm so patient or why I am the way I am. It's because I've had my ass kicked so many times, like so many different things. It's after a while, you understand that. There's a lot of things you don't have control over, some things that you get upset about, like traffic. Next year, you're not even gonna be thinking about it. Next week? Probably not. You may think about it. Why? Why do you need to get upset today about it? Why do you need to go off and get upset about some of the things that are not gonna matter in the big scheme of things? Because statistically speaking, we're gonna be dead a lot longer than we're gonna be alive.The universe is gonna continue. Everything's gonna be going on. So you live each day and appreciate and find joy in the moment. So it's like you're spending with your kids.
Mike Padurano 20:39
Russ Johns 20:40
Jennifer says, good morning. Lori Knutson says, good morning. All great pirates. Hiett Ives says, good morning, pirates. Wendy says, this is going to be fun. Good morning pirates. I'm not sure that going through pain, the discovery process is the most productive thing you can do in your life. Going through the process is painful, it's not necessarily comfortable and traveling to the unknown, there's no definitive answer. There's no right answer. So pal says, perfecto. Good morning pirates, says Paolo. Living with Annietude says, Michael, my favorite and Russ, my main man. Have a great broadcast boys, sending love and warmth to both of you. Thank you so much, Annie. Really appreciate that. Cathi Spooner says, good morning. Jennifer says, awesome #piratebroadcast with an incredibly inspiring "pirates." It's fantastic. Sarathi says, happy morning/ evening to all. Then he says it's more lively, more real, more piratey. For those that are listening to the podcast, which you can subscribe to, you can like, subscribe to the podcast. It's there. Howard Kaufman says, awesome strength. Thanks for sharing. Jimmy Clem says, as leaves will soon fall, opportunities will soon rise. Forget the fine print. Let's just go. Jimmy, words of wisdom. I commend you on speaking those words and those terms. Hiett Ives, I'm on the verge of doing the same and have a high fear factor. HIett, we all have fear. We all live with fear and degrees of fear are what allow us to set ourselves free. It's like you got to just go into it. Lean into it. Dorcus says, amazing! Living with Annietude says, this is a beautiful, cathartic show. Thank you so much, Annie. Love you. Sarathi says, India's catching up, Russ. Culture change has happened here, too. But what's important is sharing each moment of time and spending that quality time with one another in a family or with friends because at the end of the day, whatever you earn, boils down to, am I happy now or not? For this consistancy, we need to love whatever we do or have to do to live instead of grabbing a cloud. So that matters. I have to agree with that because chasing dreams and chasing tomorrow, You miss the present and when we live in the present, it's so much more effective for our lives. Kenyatta says, good morning, Michael and Russ. Love the #piratebroadcast. Thank you so much Kenyatta. I want to get back, Mike, to something you said earlier about just the joy of being with your kids. We do have life and we do have things that we have to do and responsibilities and all of those things. But, if you could just boil it down to just being present in the moment. I moved here to Arizona to be with my parents and my dad passed away this year. Caring for mom and being with my sister, being around people that I care about, has to be the same as you with your kids. Just being able to spend a moment with them is so important. Talk us through that, how being with them has helped your journey as well.
Mike Padurano 24:54
Okay, so based on what my kids have gone through, and with the pending court case, I'm not going to go into a ton of detail. But being able to get them out of that environment. Because of what I went through as a kid, with emotional and some physical abuse, it's allowing me to help them heal. It's allowing me to help them emotionally heal, be there for them when they're getting better. In a lot of ways, creating a better bond than I ever had with them. I'm going to use this word a lot, but it's magical. It's so important that they know that I unconditionally love them. That's a big word, right? Because unconditional love is not something to be thrown around lightly. It's not something that most people maybe even have the ability to do, unless they love themselves that much. Yeah, I unconditionally love them and there's a few other people in my life that I unconditionally love, to every extent of the meaning and as deep as you can possibly, but there's something to be said about just being able to appreciate it, and to value it and to show yourself value with it. And to be able to show them the value of and to show them that it matters. It really just matters.
Russ Johns 26:19
I just want to make sure that people understand that they don't have to be somewhere or be something else to matter to the ones they love.
Mike Padurano 26:28
No, I mean, meeting that person that accepted me for who I was, is what's put me on this trajectory of now finding myself and loving myself. Everything that I accomplish the rest of my life and give back and hopefully elevate humanity, which is my tiny little goal with life. It's attributed to that moment and that person because that person allowed me to get to this point and showed me to get to this point. And gave me the ability to be able to get to this point. There's been others across my life that have tried and that have attempted and failed, because I wouldn't allow it. But this time was different. It was just different and it is allowed. It is so powerful. It is so magical when you start loving yourself at that level, and you're able to reciprocate with unconditional love and accept whoever it is for that, in that way as well. Flaws. We're all imperfectly perfect, right? We all have flaws, we all have negatives. We all have perceived skeletons. We all have things that shame us and keep us stuck. The whole point of my youtube channel is not to let those control me anymore and never allow them to ever control me again. That's what I want my YouTube channel to do. That's what I wanted to inspire others to do is to activate their vulnerability through honesty and trust and be able to create clarity and value and inspiration for others.
Russ Johns 28:08
Well, I think that's incredibly powerful. When you allow yourself to let go, and just start finding yourself the journey to discovery could be years of layers of protection. Barriers and these things that we don't even realize we have or recognize that they're even a challenge for us, until you really have somebody else, that spark and like the cliche goes, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
Mike Padurano 28:49
100% and I've had many of them in the last two months that have shown themselves and they're all sharing different knowledge sets. Before it ends, and I know we're getting close, and I know keep it to 30, but what's really ironic is I was adopted at birth right? I'm 41 and a half years old. Well, a little bit under that, but I didn't know who my biological family was. I never thought I had an issue with it. I just know I never felt like I fit in anywhere I was. Last week, my biological sister found me.
Russ Johns 29:22
Mike Padurano 29:24
Right after that phone call, I went to speak to my biological mother. Then I went back to speaking to my biological sister and unknowingly, it filled a void that I never realized I had or never accepted, and that I fought. It just goes to show you that the synchronicities of life, when I was ready, it presented itself. Me looking or fighting or searching for it had nothing to do with me. It just had to do with me being ready and being willing to accept it. And it worked. It's changed it again. I feel like I know where I came from and why I always felt like an outcast. I don't feel that way anymore. I'm so happy to be me.
Russ Johns 30:09
You are and I'm thankful that you're here and you're you and we have this conversation. I know that this conversation will help others and your efforts on YouTube will continue to help others.
Mike Padurano 30:26
Sorry, the three year old is getting demanding now, so I have to get her a drink.
Russ Johns 30:30
We're gonna wrap it up and thank you for sharing your story and your journey. Everybody, I'll include the links in the post at russjohns.com/piratebroadcast. You can follow Mike, connect with Michael and make sure that you're opening up the dialogue and the conversation. Asking questions and getting involved and engaged in the community because we do not live through life alone and there are some times where we just need a trigger or a spark or inspiration to make the difference, to #makeitmatter. So I encourage you to do that. Thank you, Michael, for being here and go take care of the kids.
Mike Padurano 31:17
Well, thank you my friend, and I appreciate it and you as well. I love this opportunity. Thank you so much. It was a great honor and pleasure.
Russ Johns 31:26
As always, #kindnessiscool, #smilesarefree and you, #enjoytheday. See you soon, Mike.
Mike Padurano 31:38
Russ Johns 31:38
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